sorry, another downer. i swear, i do have fun here. i only feel the need to write for the sad ones, though...?

i'm getting really sick of being made fun of and being judged for being American. I don't care if it's in jest or not-- it's getting really fucking old. Why did I have to get stuck in a dorm full of immature, retarded, insecure 18 year old boys? If I get called a Yank one more time or hear the words cock or dick one more time, i swear to god, i'm going to lose it. i almost did tonight. after an illogical debate with three hormonal idiots about whether or not people are born gay, they proceeded to talk shit about some american girls that live in our dorm, and complain that this one girl burps a lot (god forbid, a woman is a bit rude?!you know they would laugh if it was a guy doing it). this one guy said, "yeah she burped so loud, i thought it was her fat friend, i would've understood then at least." what, so just because she's fat, she's a disgusting rude person? just because she's fat, she must eat a lot and can't control her bodily functions? i was so pissed, i called him a fucking asshole, and he proceeded to yell fuck you at me and curse me for "defending every Yank they talk about". wow. real cute. and so i stand up and say fuck this and go to leave, and he yells at me that it was just a joke and not to jump down his throat everytime he says something bad. you see, it's not just that one thing, though. the other night when asked whether or not he'd have a threesome with a fat ugly girl and a hot one, he said, "yeah, i'd just put a hamburger in the corner to distract the fat one." and that was just the icing on the fucking cake, believe me. it's my own damn fault for spending so much time around these cretins, but i honestly just wanted to be social and make some friends and not spend so much time in my room on the goddamn computer, and they're convenient since they live in my dorm. but fuck. i can't listen to anymore bullshit, it's like high school all over again. yes, I'm american. i get it. i must be an ignorant elitist asshole who pronounces EVERYTHING poorly. it was funny the first thousand times when they made fun of the way i talk. but a person can only take so much before she needs to hear at least one nice thing about her. for christ's sake, it's hard enough being so far from home and so far away from everyone who loves me, but to have to tolerate the constant bullshit from these guys is like rubbing salt in the wound.

a knock at my door....

ok, so, that guy came up here. he made things right. i dont feel like explaining it all now, but these guys are good guys. they are. they just forget sometimes. they're good people though. i respect that guy for coming up here, he felt terrible. it was genuine. it really was. he said, he heard comments about british people for 10 minutes and felt angry, and he couldnt even imagine how i could tolerate all the shit they give me. he said they just forget to take it easy, because i gel so well with their group that its like i'm one of them, and after i left the room, they agreed that they need to stop making so much fun of me and of americans, because they really like me and want me to keep hanging out with them. he said when he met me he thought i was so great, and he doesnt want anything to change between us. i can understand. i told him i was really homesick, so thats why it was even harder for me to take all the jokes all the time. i do respect him for coming up here, that took balls.

and i will say, i love the look on a guy's face when he sees he's made you cry. it almost makes it worth it.